


Never alone

by CustardCreamies



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, I'm tagging just in case, M/M, References to Depression, Triggers, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-10-25 08:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10760919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: Sebastian has anxiety, Kimi tries to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've debated if I should post this, but it might actually help me if I do...I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago and sometimes it can flare up pretty badly, leaving me doubting everything and feeling miserable and lost. I know I have a good support system and stuff...but it's hard sometimes and I needed an outlet. I just needed to do this for myself.

It was one of those days....

Britta couldn't find Sebastian, the press conference would start in two hours and Sebastian had to be there. Britta had looked everywhere for her charge and when she couldn't find him, she went to the one person she knew who could find him.

Kimi.

Kimi first of all checked the hospitality suite and then the garages, but Sebastian wasn't there. This was highly unusual for him as Sebastian tended to love being in the garage and spending time working on Gina.

Kimi even tried his cool down room too, but he wasn't there either.

In the end Kimi went back up the pit lane and towards the paddock where the motorhomes resided, surely Sebastian would be there?

Kimi walked up to the Ferrari motorhome and knocked on the door loudly. When he got no reply he opened the door and stepped inside.

"Seb?" Kimi calls quietly into the room.

"In here." Comes the reply, the voice muffled and tired.

Kimi feels his stomach sink as he walks closer and sees Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

Kimi immediately sits down next to him and gently puts an arm around him. "Hey."

Sebastian gives a sigh and looks at Kimi tiredly. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to feel sorry for." Kimi kisses Sebastian's head, pulling him close. "Is your anxiety playing up?"

Sebastian nods and angrily wipes at his eyes. "I feel stupid and useless, like no one wants to be around me."

"I want to be around you." Kimi tells him gently. "I'm here for you, no matter what, okay? Stop listening to that silly voice and remember people do love and care about you."

"It's hard to think like that when your own worst enemy is you." Sebastian says quietly. "I feel like every time I mention my anxiety or how bad it can get, people get uncomfortable and want to not talk to me anymore."

"Seb..no one is uncomfortable. They understand that you're struggling and just don't know how to help you, or find the right words to comfort you. It's not you, okay? It's never ever you. We love you Seb. We always will love you."

Sebastian looks at him and smiles weakly.

"And do not ever ever forget how much I love you." Kimi says softly, gently kissing Sebastian.

Sebastian seems to smile brighter at this and cuddles against his chest. "How can I ever forget?"

There is a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Kimi asks, "Do you feel up to going outside yet?"

"No." Sebastian shakes his head. "I know Britta is looking for me, but I just can't face anyone right now."

"That's okay." Kimi tells him. "We can stay here until you feel better."

"Thank you." Sebastian smiles at him.

"I'm going to stay right here with you so you know you're not alone." Kimi says reassuringly.

Sebastian nods. "I'd like that."

"Good." Kimi gently holds Sebastian closer.

The two of them stay that way for an hour as Sebastian listens to the strong steady beat of Kimi's heart to calm down and finds himself relaxing in his presence.

And when Sebastian feels ready to face the media, Kimi is by his side like he promised, not letting him face anything alone.


	2. Silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the days Sebastian was silent, Kimi knew what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of a bad day. Decided writing this would help.

There were some days where Sebastian would be quiet.

It was noticeable of course, especially when you knew him. The usually energetic German would suddenly cease with his energy and withdraw into himself.

On days like this he would usually hide in his driver’s room and ignore all attempts of conversation and talk.

It seemed as if he wanted peace, like he wanted to be left alone.

But in actual fact it was the opposite.

Sebastian needed someone.

But only one person ever noticed when he did.

On the occasions where Sebastian was silent. Kimi would find Sebastian’s hide out, pull him into his arms and whisper reassurances in his ear.

Sebastian would either tell him what was wrong, or just close his eyes and focus on him solely. Anything that would help with his tightening chest, racing heart and sudden urge to cry.

Kimi understood of course, and knew and recognised the signs when Sebastian’s anxiety was getting to him.

Kimi would sit with Sebastian for however long he needed him. Some times talking, other times sitting quietly and letting Sebastian hear his heartbeat.

Kimi would also always assure Sebastian that days like these do not last and he will be happy.

Sebastian found this reassuring and no matter how bad he felt, he believed him. Kimi never ever told him lies. It wasn’t how Kimi was.

With Kimi, Sebastian knew he’d be okay.


	3. Storms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a rough night.

“You’re up early.” Kimi muses softly.

“Yeah well...” Sebastian shrugs, not meeting his eyes where he’s sat on the sofa clutching a mug of coffee.

Kimi sits next to him, pressing his knee against him reassuringly.

Sebastian gives him the tiniest flicker of a smile and looks back down at his coffee.

Kimi sighs softly and gently reaches for his knee. “I can’t pretend I understand how you’re feeling. But I want you to know something. Whatever’s going on in your head right now, it won’t last. This is the storm. All storms eventually end, and I’m going to be at your side through it.”

Sebastian nods gently, still not looking up, and Kimi rests his head on his shoulder.

“I love you. You’re going to get through this. I believe in you and I will help you any way I can.” He gives him a small smile. “Even if it’s only to remind you how much of a dork you are and how much you’re loved.”

Sebastian gives a soft sniff and puts the mug down and turns so that he can bury himself in Kimi’s arms, snuggling until he’s enveloped in Kimi.

Kimi hugs him back tightly, pressing soft kisses to his head. “We are going to get through this together. I promise you.”

And Sebastian believes him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian sits on the balcony, staring out over the view.

Usually a view like this one would make him happy. The hotel they’re staying at overlooking the beautiful old stone town and mountains.

Italy was one of his favourite places, but right now he was lost to it’s beauty.

He glances at his phone and sees it’s 3AM and a deep sigh escapes him.

Nights like this were the worst, so much going on in his head. He couldn’t sleep.

He’s dimly aware of someone coming up behind him and he utters a soft tired sigh.

“This feels like forever.” Sebastian murmurs to the person.

“No.” They reply.

“How can you be sure?” Sebastian tears his eyes away from the view to face Kimi.

“Because nothing lasts forever. Especially not this.” Kimi replies.

Sebastian nods. He looks worn and tired. He feels it.

Kimi looks at him worriedly and offers out his hand. “Come on, Sebby.”

Sebastian takes the offered hand and lets Kimi lead him back.

Kimi climbs into the bed and then gestures for Sebastian to follow him.

Sebastian does so, climbing into the bed and moving into his arms.

“This isn’t going to last, Sebby.” Kimi murmurs softly. “Soon you will be happy again.”

Sebastian nods gently, having a hard time believing it.

Kimi gently tips his chin up so Sebastian has to look at him. “Everyone has their bad moments. Moments where all things seem lost and you’re stuck in a dead end cycle that feels like it will not end. But it will. The dark gives way to light. You just have to be strong.”

Sebastian looks at him tearfully, tired and worn and so lost, and Kimi’s heart breaks for him.

“You’re going to get through this Sebby. I’m going to be here for you, right up to when the storm breaks and after. I’m not leaving you to fight this alone.” Kimi says, his voice catching. He so badly wants to do more, to take away his pain and hurt.

Tears are streaming down Sebastian’s face now and he pulls himself closer so he can kiss him.

Kimi kisses him softly and passionately, putting his love into the kiss.

Sebastian pulls away and wipes at his eyes, sniffing.

“I love you so much.” Kimi says softly.

“I love you too.” Sebastian whispers and Kimi gives him a soft smile, brushing the tears from his face.

“And don’t you forget it.” Kimi kisses his forehead softly.

Sebastian gives him a tiny weak smile and Kimi counts it as a win.

Kimi holds him in his arms, murmuring to him words of comfort until Sebastian falls into a deep dreamless sleep.


	5. Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Sebastian has dips. His family understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Robothead and also because I needed a little piece today.

There was silence in the house. Total silence. 

Kimi enters with Grace running around his legs madly from her walk. He shakes the snow from his boots and shuts the door with his butt, frowning at the quiet. 

“Sebastian?” 

Kimi gently picks up Grace and wanders into the living room, the fire is lit and there’s a figure huddled in a duvet on the sofa. 

“Sebby?” Kimi asks again, softly and quietly, moving over to the figure. 

The only thing of Sebastian poking out from under the duvet was his curls. Kimi slowly moved the duvet away and his heart ached at the tears running down Sebastian’s face. “Oh Sebby.” 

All at once Grace was whimpering and wiggling in Kimi’s arms. She could sense Sebastian’s distress and she wanted to be closer. 

Kimi gently lowered her onto the sofa and the pudgy little puppy strutted over to Sebastian and plonked herself down on his chest, barking at him. Almost demanding that he should be happy. 

Sebastian laughs softly and moves to sit up a little, pulling her up closer so he could bury his face in her fur. “I’m okay, Gracie.”

The little puppy immediately begins licking his face eagerly, tail wagging madly. 

Sebastian laughs and lightly pushes her back, wiping at the tears on his face. 

Kimi gently kneels besides the sofa and runs a hand through Sebastian’s hair. “Bad day?” He asks gently. 

Sebastian nods, leaning into his gentle touch. 

“Want to be left alone or?” He looks at him, understanding these dips in his mood could go either way. 

“Company.” He decides with a nod. 

“Okay.” Kimi gently kisses his head and heads upstairs to get changed, before heading back into the living room. 

Sebastian was cuddling Grace close to him when Kimi returns and he wordlessly lifts the duvet up for him. 

Kimi smiles softly and moves onto the sofa, laying on top of Sebastian and pulling the duvet over their heads to make a cucoon. 

And that’s how they stayed. Kimi snuggled into Sebastian with little Grace on his chest, making sure he felt safe and loved. 


	6. Breathe

Sebastian takes a deep breath. In through his nose and out gently, closing his eyes and focusing.

It’s okay. He’s fine. He’s with Kimi at his house with Grace. He’s fine.

He feels anxious. His chest feeling tight, very tight. Thoughts and feelings filtering through him.

It’s going to be fine.

It takes Kimi about two seconds to know what is happening and he comes over to him, hands gentle as he guides him to the cosy chair, gently moving him to lie down on it.

Sebastian lets him, focusing on his breathing. He’s fine. He’s fine.

Kimi takes one look at him completely zoning out and he gently climbs onto the chair with him, moving to lie on top of him gently, nose pressed into his neck.

All at once the comforting weight makes Sebastian come back slowly. He’s here. With Kimi. Safe loving Kimi. He’s fine.

Sebastian slowly wraps his arms around him, burying his nose in his hair.

He’s gonna be just fine. He has Kimi. 

 


End file.
